Around Easter, I wrote a journal entry about some of my thoughts and observations about the movie "The Passion of the Christ". Jared and I watch it every year, but for some reason, this year in particular, I was drawn to Mary, Jesus' mom. I was overwhelmed with some of the emotions she faced as a mom. Admists the honor and duty that was bestowed upon her from God, to birth the Messiah and to be Jesus' earthly guardian and care-giver, she was also his mother - one who loved and cherished her child, like we all do our children. But to be called to put her motherly duty on hold, allowing God to fulfill His plans instead, was probably the hardest thing she had to do. God's will ultimately comes first. But, I wonder what I would do if I was in her shoes...and I'm glad I wasn't.
Here's a snippet from my journal entry, and a glimpse into Mary's heart (my interpretation, of course!)...
"...I don’t remember how many times I’ve seen it ["The Passion"], but EVERY TIME, I get so emotional - so enraged at the Sanhedrin and their hypocrisy and high and mighty attitude; I would sob uncontrollably while the Roman soldiers brutally beat up my Savior to His last inch of breath; feeling helpless while Jesus stood trial in front of Pilate as he faced the sea of faces who cursed him and demanded his death (okay, I wanted to slap the smirk off the face of Barabas when he walked down the steps after being released as a prisoner!).
But a somewhat new reaction I had this year was at a profound scene of the movie. I’ve watched it so many times, but I don’t know why it affected me more so this year than any other. And I think, by far, this is my favorite scene in the movie (can I have a favorite?). I felt myself empathizing with Mary - filled with an overwhelming sense of motherly love and concern when Jesus fell for the umpteenth time along the Via Dolorosa, empathizing with her as she ran to him, with memories of the little boy Jesus stumbling and falling, and her cries of reassurance of “I’m here! I’m here!”, and wanting to reassure him again that she’s there, not leaving him, walking along side him, even on the road to his crucifixion. I can’t imagine how she was feeling, and I kept picturing what if this was Joshua (and interestingly enough, Ye-shu-a, the aramaic name in which Jesus was called during the movie, sounded so much like Joshua!). My heart broke and I cried when she said at the foot of the cross, she said “Flesh of my flesh, heart of my heart…let me die here with you”.
A mother’s love knows no bounds, and I often wonder if her presence, her words of reassurance, somehow kept Jesus going on that long road to Golgotha as he had to carry his own cross.
And a mother will fight for her child, and be his or her strongest and greatest advocate! The same scene where Jesus is carrying his cross on the crowded narrow street, and Mary, John, and Mary Magdalene were following along on the side. Mary spots the devil across the crowd, and I love how she eyeballs him - in a way that seemed to indicate “don’t mess with my son, you don’t know who you’re dealing with, this battle is not over. In fact, prepare to lose because you have no power over him!”. It was as if she was ready to go to battle and do some one-on-one combat. It was the look of death that she gave Death itself. O, Death where is your sting!"
(I'll end my journal entry here)
Flesh of my flesh, heart of my heart...
Joshua and Jenna, that heaven would entrust me with you - the two most beautiful babies in the world, I am indeed honored to be your mommy. As long as God gives me life and breath here on this earth, I will be your greatest advocate and biggest cheerleader, and will love you with every ounce of my being, so that you will know that you're never alone, that "I am here! I am here!", and so will God. I love you both, with all my heart.