Thursday, March 18, 2010

Another rite of passage...

Okay, so this morning, I took Joshua to Lincoln Prairie where he was screened for preschool. The teacher took him into the classroom and had me sit out in the hallway to fill out 45-minutes worth of paperwork. As I did my parental duty, I couldn't help but wonder what was going on: how he was doing, is he up to par in his development, was he scared, is anyone playing with him, does he need me? A plethora of emotions flooded me, and I realized that I had become one of those parents who have a hard time letting go.

Yes, I'm admitting to it! I am a psycho parent who can't let go. I'll probably be one of those who will try to climb over the hedges by the classroom window to try and get a peak of her child. Or one of those who will say goodbye to her child as he gets on the bus, and then follows the school bus in her car, and makes sure he gets off the bus unharmed. I'm becoming my very own worst nightmare - the kind of parent that I would simply roll my eyes at when I was a teacher. Yvonne, take a chill pill!

So, why the insanity? If I'm being totally honest, I'm just not ready for Joshua to grow up! I'm not ready for him to go to school. It was fine when he was in Promisetowne, because I could be there with him. But thanks to Willow, that wonderful program is no more, and hence, I find myself being thrust into reality. A little too prematurely, if you ask me!! And if it was up to me, I'd still have Josh in diapers and live the baby years forever. But alas, that's crazy talk, and there's nothing I can do in my humanly power to slow time down.

Gosh, what to do? What to do? How do I let go? Poor Joshua is going to have a crazy mom who is holding on too tightly. Maybe, just maybe, I can release him slowly...knowing full well that God is in control, and God is taking care of him. And God will be with him when I can't, and that Joshua is ultimately in His hands.

But can I at least hold on to his pinky finger?

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