It's 4am, and I've been up since 2. This has been a recurring thing over the past couple of months. I didn't think that this "nesting" phase would last this long! When I was pregnant with Joshua, at least I could work in his room and get things ready for him. But this time around, I've had to go downstairs and try to pass the time by reading or getting on the laptop (actually, I've been able to chat online with my overseas friends - it's nice that they're in a different time zone!).
Anyway, I'm glad that I made it to 35 weeks. Every week counts, and each passing day is a blessing. I'm praying that she'll stay in-utero till at least 37 weeks. That being said, that's only 2 weeks away! Isn't that crazy?? Some days, I feel totally unprepared - I realized today that we don't have any bath towels for her. I guess she can just use one of Joshua's - he only has 2. Also, I wonder if I can remember how to care for a newborn. I'm sure it'll come back to me. Other days, I feel like I'm ready. Since this pregnancy has been more difficult, I wouldn't mind if she came early. I've had trouble sleeping, and walking around just kills sometimes. So, in that respect, I'm ready to birth her! Not to mention, I'm dying to put her in cute girly outfits!
More importantly, I look forward to moments where I can just gaze at her and relish in the astounding beauty of God's creation - examining every contour of her face, the wrinkles in her hands, the curl of her toes, the flecks of (brown? red?) in her, perhaps, black hair. I remember doing this with Joshua, and I never got tired of it. I treasured those moments, especially during the midnight feedings (I know, I'm crazy because I actually look forward to getting up at insane hours to nurse!). But, is this what Mary meant when she "treasured these things in her heart"?
Despite the ups and downs of this pregnancy, I'm very thankful for being a mom of almost 2 kids. God HAS blessed us abundantly. Just thinking about how difficult it was for us in the beginning when we were trying to have a second child, I know that God's timing is perfect. I think of the story of Esther, and how she felt that perhaps she had been born for such a time as this (that she was the only one who could save her people), I can't help but wonder what God's plans are for our little girl. Why was she conceived almost a year after our own intended timeline? I guess we'll never know till we get to heaven. What I do know is that she's indeed a blessing - a huge gift from God. As she squirms and kicks in my tummy right now (I had a chocolate brownie!), I know that God has fashioned her and woven her into the exact person that He wants her to be. And I get the priviledge of being her mom, and loving her and teaching her, and God-willing, leading her to the one true King, Jesus!
When she comes, I feel like our family will be complete. Not that it isn't complete right now, but perhaps enriched would be a better word. I am indeed blessed, and despite the current economic circumstances in our lives, there are still so many reasons to rejoice and be thankful! My prayer for our family is that we'll bring Him all the honor and glory and praise, by loving God, loving each other, and loving other people WELL.
Here ends the ramblings of a sleep-deprived, pregnant woman...